Today is my 29th birthday.
Year 29 might not seem like a big milestone, but it is monumental to me because I set certain goals for myself that I wanted to achieve by the time I turned 30 years old.
WHICH MEANS I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE YEAR TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER.
For the most part, I am exactly where I hoped to be at this age, and I’m proud of that. As a little girl, I always used to think about the life I wanted to build by the time I was 30 because when you’re young, becoming 30 years old feels ancient. It felt like it would take forever to become 30, so I thought I would have plenty of time to achieve my goals. It also seemed like an important year because when I used to meet other 30 year olds as a kid, I thought they had it all. I thought they were officially adults.
But now that I am 29 and 5 hours old, I realize that 30 comes so quickly. 30 is still so young.
I realize that I was crazy to make all these goals for myself by the time I became 30.
But when I used to think of myself and what I wanted to be at this age, this is what I wanted:
I wanted to be married. Check.
I wanted at least 2 kids. Check.
I wanted a dog. Check.
I wanted to be an executive of a company or be my own boss. Check.
I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Half-check. (I am home with the boys 2 days a week right now)
I wanted to own a home. Check.
I wanted to be a millionaire. Oops.
I wanted to write a book. Does a blog count?
I wanted to be famous. Does House Hunters count?
I wanted to be thin. Does having a mom bod count?
I know what you’re thinking…”That betch is crazy. You can’t have all those things by the time you’re 30!!”
But I always thought I could have all those things. I never thought that I had to wait to have kids until after I became professionally successful. I never thought I had to give one thing up to have another thing. And maybe that is naive, but I still feel that way today. My life is certainly not perfect, but I always knew I could have what I wanted if I just asked for it and worked hard to get it.
And wore great clothes, obviously.
I wanted to have my cake and eat it too…without getting fat. And as I reflect on my 29th birthday, I am truly proud of the life I have built with the help of a million others, especially my husband.
But the road to get here was completely different than I ever could have imagined when I was a little girl dreaming of what I wanted my life to be. The road had bumps, it had a lot of mistakes, and it wasn’t easy. This is the reality of achieving my goals by this age:
I wanted to be married. We got married after knowing each other for like a day, and we never really got to “date.” I moved in with Eric a month after meeting him and it’s hard to play ‘hard to get’ when I never left his house.
I wanted at least 2 kids. WAS I INSANE?! I was still a baby myself when I had my first baby.
I wanted a dog. Eric and I lost 2 great dogs before we found the amazing dog we have today.
I wanted to be an executive. I had to quit another job to get here, and I didn’t leave that job the way I wanted to. It still breaks my heart every day.
I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Like HOLY CRAP THAT IS HARD. Stay at home moms are the strongest, bravest people in the world, and I am not cut out for the job.
I wanted to own a home. Um, hi, the homes and location I like are really expensive.
I wanted to write a book. What am I supposed to write about?!
I wanted to be famous. Haters gunna hate.
I wanted to be a millionaire. Sometimes you have to take the lower paying job to eventually get the higher paying one. It’s gotta get worse before it gets better. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
I wanted to be thin. I lost a lot of weight and now I have extra skin. Like, ew.
But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t change a thing.
That’s a lie. I would change so many things. If I could guarantee that I would end up where I am today with my husband, children, job, home, etc…then heck yes, I would change a lot of things.
But I got here. Even if it wasn’t always pretty along the way.
And I’m damn happy to be here.
Now I need to stop talking to you psychos and get to work because I only have one year left to write a book, become famous, and become a millionaire.
Love you all,
The birthday girl.